CHILDREN ARE FLEXIBLE AND RESILIENT
Children, on the whole, are not frail fragile creatures. They have the same genes, the same resilience, the same toughness as our ancestors who walked the savannahs of Africa thousands of years ago.
Children can survive harsh environments, diverse living arrangements and even serious trauma, and usually go on to become functioning and psychologically well adjusted adults. They do this naturally, and without drugs or therapy.
There are plenty of challenges for children. Please focus on the legitimate risks. Many parents walk on egg shells, worried about causing psychic damage. This type of anxiety does more harm than good, for both the child and parent! Relax and Enjoy!
Our ancestors survived diverse and treacherous environments. Our children can endure bad TV sitcoms, too many toys, high fat diets, poorly written standardized tests and the other perils of the 21st century.
A higher percentage of our ancestors lost contact with a parent due to parental death then today's children lose contact from divorce Modern life could be better for children and parents. But by historical, economic or public health measure - WE ARE NOT IN A CRISIS!
OUR CHILDREN'S FATES DO NOT REST ON OUR EVERY MOVE
Many once popular psychological theories state personalities and futures are determined within their first few years. They posit parenting is the major factor in how the offspring's personality turns out. In Freud's model parents do damage just by being there!
Advertisements in parenting magazines and on TV imply you need to buy the right products to be a good parent. They claim these products will allow your child to "fulfill her potential". All they do is empty your wallet! It is a fantasy to believe parents, products, pills or positive reinforcement are all-powerful. Can parents mold their children into doctors, lawyers or Kansas City Chiefs? No, in today's meritocracy the hard work and talents of the child will make him successful. Parents provide support and opportunity.
The "Experts" who write parenting books often say the right relationship is critical. A large amount of quality time is essential. The relationship should be based on positive comments, shared respect and warm fuzzy feelings. The "Experts" claim if this is not the kind of relationship you have your child will be damaged!
OUT OF CONTROL EXPECTATIONS
Some "experts" claim our children are growing up in "toxic" environments. Our families are routinely called "dysfunctional". They claim imperfect parenting will cause a future of struggles, pain and suffering for our children. Why the pessimism? We are all just screwed up human beings in screwed up families. We are slightly evolved primates. We will never be perfect, nor will our children. "Experts" can be especially hard on fathers who don't act the way they want (in most cases, like mothers). Part of the problem is expectations out of control. Many people want everything, want it now, and want it with little effort. This includes many of the experts. The "experts" seem to have a hard time accepting reality.
The "experts" proclaim they know the right way to parent. They claim their advice is based on science. Usually they are merely reflecting currently popular opinions within the psychological community. This is within the context our of culture - these are NOT universally accepted truths. With a track record for being on the wrong side of so many issues, fathers should be skeptical of the psychology community.
Every parent and every child are different. Children are flexible and resilient.
You know your environment and child best. Trust Father's Intuition and you'll be fine.
