Father's Little Helper would like to remind you:
THERE IS NO CRISIS!!!! No Mothers crisis! No Kids crisis! No Fathers crisis. Being a dad is a joy. Most fathers do a great job. Don't get caught up in all the worries!
A big part of the problem: Our world now has so much wealth, too many choices, too complicated. Lets make it simple.
There are many ways to parent. Every parent and every child is different. Despite fears to the contray, children are flexible and resilient.
You know your environment and child best, trust "Father's Intuition"
and you'll be fine.!
- Self and Other Acceptance
- Hurray for Physical Contact
- Powerful Discipline
- Real Change Requires Great Effort
- Contain Your Emotions
- Never Argue with your Kids
- Trust Male Intuition
- There is nothing new under the sun
1 Self and other acceptance. ^
If you accept your child as a slightly evolved primate living in a screwed up complicated world, you are off to an excellent start. If you also accept yourself (and mom) as imperfect human beings (likely doing your best), your prognosis is quite good.
If fathers really accept the narcissistic, antisocial and potentially violent nature of their children, then we don't need to upset ourselves when they act the way they do.
When parents accept themselves as the screwed up people they are, then they relax and become comfortable with their own mistakes (and the mistakes of others!).
2 Hurray for physical contact! ^
Touch deprivation is a problem in our society. Kids (and adults) need to be hugged and to be held. Touch is especially important for young children. In our ancient environment young children were breast-fed or died, they slept with their parents. Children were carried by their parents (not strapped in strollers and car seats). Some children just don't adjust well to the lack of touch in our modern world. Especially if you have a cranky child, whenever possible hold your child, lay with your child, caress your child.
3 Powerful discipline ^
Parents must be powerful in the eyes of their children. If you want to learn practical techniques one book is the best: 123 Magic, Effective Discipline for children 2 -12 by Dr Thomas Phelan
(http://parent-magic.com/). John Rosemond, his web site and Traditional Parent Magazine are great philosophical support for assertive parenting.
4 Real change requires great effort. ^
Rarely are problems solved quickly and easily. If you are realistic about what you can do you're more likely to accomplish you goal. So fathers: get involved, be assertive and be ready for a slow steady struggle that in the long run will pay off great rewards. Parenting, just like most of the rest of life, is effort now, to reduce suffering later.
5 Contain your emotions ^
Another of Thomas Phelan's critical points is to minimize your expression of emotion. Basically, you don't let a child see that they can manipulate you. If you're upset, "fake it till you make it". Remember your stoic grandparents? Were they screamers and yeller's? No! Did their children do what they said? Yes!
6 Never Argue with your Kids ^
Do not argue with your (or any) children. Father's don't need to consult their 5 year olds about proper household rules. No amount of discussion (arguing) will get a child to agree. If your child will not talk nicely, then end the conversation! Thomas Phelan rightly points out that today's parents have "adult tantrums" after their begging and pleading is not successful. By engaging in the argument, parents are showing their children how to argue and letting them practice there whining skills.
7 Trust male intuition ^
Resolve that you are willing to stand up to whoever is getting in the way of your fathering. This might be the thought police, government agencies, mom, schools, and sometimes "the experts". Parent in the way you believe is best for your child, trust yourself and be assertive! Humans have innate mechanisms to tell them how to proceed. Without these instincts how would the species have made it this far?
8 There is nothing new under the sun ^
Any new idea is probably a bad idea. This "new idea" is likely an old idea that has been attempted and discarded because it didn't work. Respect for traditional parenting is warranted. We can learn a lot from our parents and grandparents. Yes, we have a complicated and changing environment, but children's needs are SIMPLE. Even new things, like this web site is built on what has come before.
Conclusion: ^
Being a father is more complicated than any list can portray, but a little father friendly advice can go a long way. Dads should be armed with the appropriate information. Thankfully, "The Pros" have done the work for you! So trust your gut. But if you need some science to reinforce your common sense, look up the specifics in one of our referenced books or web sites.
